All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
