So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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