3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
