Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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