I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
