Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
