I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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