Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
