did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
