How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
