I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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