I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
