thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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