I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
