Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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