There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think your dad took our porno
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
