Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i've created a new STD.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
