she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
