I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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