Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
