You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
