I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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