Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
