Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
