1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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