So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
