I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm both gender and math confused
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
