True but thats because hes a fetus.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
