I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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