you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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