I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
