He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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