He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Let's get the cat blown out
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
