I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
