he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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