omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
