Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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