It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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