It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
