Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
