You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We're too hungover to prance.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
