I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
