I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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