well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
50% drunk capacity currently
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
