dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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