This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
