I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
