his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
