just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
