yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
