So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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