Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
